August 1st., something already told me that this month is going to be the most eventful one of the year. Yes it sure did. Eventful= beautiful, pleasant, fanatical, disturbing, radical, Depressing. All this. But most of all, I got the pleasure of learning the most important things in life.
Friendship day- I got to meet new people, it was the best time of the year. And later, I traveled a lot, explored the nature and almost thought life, my life was back on track. How silly of me. How can that happen? Isn’t it impossible? How can a life like mine ever run smooth and happy? God had to prevail over me every time I thought stuff like this.
Five of my best friends whom I considered family discarded me. Can you believe it? Five altogether. People create misunderstandings, bitch about each other to me and eventually make me look like the one who’s playing the drama queen just because I was there to listen to their crap. And when it’s their time to come out of their covers, they blame it all on you. Don’t they ever feel guilty for doing all this? I wonder. I mean, I always thought "If only the opposite individual knew that you love them this much, there wouldn’t be any kind of clashes in this world. Only peace and love. " But nobody really tries to understand. And even if they understand, they don’t care. It’s actually a very selfish world that we are living in. The problem is, people never want to think from the other person’s perspective. All the time, it’s them and theirs but not hers /his. Be it feelings or views.
How can your BFF ever forget what you’ve done for them? You stay up all night trying to solve their problems. When they go through a rough patch, you worry if they’re okay. You’re always there for them no matter what and you promise to be so even in the future. But all of a sudden, they hear something about you from somebody else and forget EVERYTHING? All this? Not even a second thought, not even a second chance. You back them up when people bitch about them to you , you are ready to lose anybody, any of your other bestfriends for them because you love them the most. But all this go in vain.
Oh I guess it’s my own mistake of being selfless all the while and never paying attention to the forewarnings !
They forget everything and just don’t answer your calls.
I only wanted to know what my fault was and why the fuck am I not getting any response. I got no replies and I would charge them guilty for this because all they know is how to hate and all I know is how to love.
The worst ever weakness in this world is to not be able to let go of someone you’ve been close to. Not everyone’s like you and you just need to move on. You are your own best friend. You will never let yourself down or be mean to yourself. And you know not to expect anything from anyone right? You sure must have heard this a hundred times. But I will continue to repeat myself. Another hundred times.. because I’ve suffered and I know what it’s like to be totally ditched by friends that you gave a very high position in your life.
Today when I knew they literally wanted to fight with me ( but couldn’t come to my face and do it ), I was finally broken. I couldn’t tolerate anymore and decided to stay away from all this and start life afresh. But this senti stupid girl couldn’t be strong for longer. I broke into unstoppable tears leaving my mom wonder what happened to me. I literally felt like dying. I wanted to talk. Shout. Scream. And cry. I wanted to call her and cry. Yes, me .. Someone who’s known for a little ego didn’t bother about anything for a friend. But I know I should not. I didn’t. I didn’t know what to do to those people. I trusted them, loved them, cared for them and in return I received a ton of shit. I thought at least that one close friend will some day answer me. But that some day is never going to come because now all I see are the dead hopes. She’s brainwashed and nothing can change that. I don’t even want to. Now I don’t give a damn. They lost a precious friend and they’ll regret it someday. I don’t have to, because I know I have a life ahead and for me, life is only when you learn how to love, forgive and forget. And not pretend and promise sham.
August, 2011- you’ve been the best teacher I could ever have. Sure there will be lonely moments, low moments. But everyday I’m growing a little stronger. Everyday, I’m growing more at ease with myself. I’ll forever keep valuing people that still exist in my life and leave the rest to the god.
Maybe this is just a phase and god’s protecting me from people who I thought would never leave me, no matter what.
God makes no mistakes :)
